Kindle notes

The underpinnings of this book are in somewhat less practical, but seminal, works such as Matthew Fox’s Original Blessing, Jean Shinoda Bolen’s The Tao of Psychology: Synchronicity and the Self, Dan Goleman’s Emotional Intelligence, Martin Seligman’s Authentic Happiness, and Gerald Jampolsky’s Love Is Letting Go of Fear. (loc: )

Denis Waitley, the author of The Psychology of Winning and The Joy of Working, who defines procrastination as “a neurotic form of self-defensive behavior” aimed at protecting one’s self-worth. That is, we procrastinate when we fear a threat to our sense of worth and independence. We only act lazy when our natural drive for fruitful activity is threatened or suppressed. “No one does it to feel bad,” says Waitley, “but to temporarily relieve deep inner fears.” (loc: 290-94)

Alan Lakein, in How to Get Control of Your Time and Your Life, suggests using categories of most important (A), important (B), and least important (C). Certain “B” or “C” jobs, such as urgent tasks or committee work, can be used as a break from the more intense and usually more valuable “A priority” activities. This system of categories and priorities lets you know when you’re making progress on what’s really important and when you’re just putting out fires without making much progress. Edwin Bliss, in Getting Things Done, categorizes activities by noting their urgency and reminds us that what’s urgent is not always the best use of our time. (loc: 631-35)

Replace “I must finish” with “When can I start?” (loc: 1059)

• three-dimensional thinking and the reverse calendar, to combat the terror of being overwhelmed • the work of worrying, to tackle the fear of failure and the fear of being imperfect • persistent starting, to tackle fear of not finishing (loc: 1393-96)

The reverse calendar starts with the ultimate deadline for your project and then moves back, step by step, to the present where you can focus your energy on starting. You will find the reverse calendar extremely useful whenever you face tasks that require work over a long period—painting the house, mounting an advertising campaign, or perservering through a weight-loss program. And the reverse calendar should be used immediately if you feel overwhelmed. You’ll want a reverse calendar to see what you can tackle right now, where you can delegate, and when you’ll have a chance to catch your breath. (loc: 1445-49)

1. Schedule only: • previously committed time such as meals, sleep, meetings • free time, recreation, leisure reading • socializing, lunches and dinners with friends • health activities such as swimming, running, tennis, working out at the gym • routine structured events such as commuting time, classes, medical appointments (loc: 1805-10)

It is basic to the principles of unscheduling that first you fill in your Unschedule with as many nonwork activities as possible. This will help you overcome the fantasy that you have twenty-four hours a day and forty-eight hours on the weekends to work on your projects. It will sharpen your perception of the actual time available and make you a better manager of your time. Do not schedule work on projects. Remember, first and foremost, that the Unschedule guarantees your guilt-free play and the legitimacy of your personal time. This first step will help you avoid scaring yourself with overly ambitious, overly dictatorial plans for work that lead only to failure, disappointment, self-criticism, and procrastination. 2. Fill in your Unschedule with work on projects only after you have completed at least one-half hour. Think of the Unschedule as a time clock that you punch in as you start work and punch out when you take credit for your progress. You want to maintain an excitement about how much you’ve accomplished in a short period of time rather than anxiety about how much more there is to do. You can also use your thirty-minute commitment as your own deadline to motivate you to work more efficiently. 3. Take credit only for periods of work that represent at least thirty minutes of uninterrupted work. Do not record the time on your Unschedule if you stop before thirty minutes are up. The discipline of staying with the task through the first few minutes of potential distractions and inertia is necessary to carry you through to involvement and interest in your work. When you stay with the discipline of uninterrupted work, you really know that the half hour you earned on your Unschedule represents quality work, not trips to get potato chips or to make calls. This mounting achievement will build your pride and confidence in yourself as a producer. 4. Reward yourself with a break or a change to a more enjoyable task after each period worked. You deserve it. You got started! And by overcoming inertia, you have begun to build momentum that will make it easier to get started next time. By rewarding yourself this way for each positive achievement, you are creating positive associations with your work instead of negative ones. You are now in charge of creating a new and better habit—the Now Habit. 5. Keep track of the number of quality hours worked each day and each week. Total them up. Emphasize what you did accomplish. This is rewarding in itself and establishes a positive pattern by following work with a pat on the back. It also alerts you to those days—for example, Wednesdays—when you will want to start earlier on your high-priority projects to increase the number of hours worked in a particular day. 6. Always leave at least one full day a week for recreation and any small chores you wish to take care of. Avoid the feeling of resentment and the burnout that can come when there are no holidays because of work. Include family rituals of recreation and play in each week. You will feel more motivated to return to your high-priority projects after resting. Work will be less of a burden when you are experiencing the better parts of life now, and your life is not on hold because of work. Take time for yourself and those low-priority chores that you might actually enjoy as a change of pace—repairs around the house, gardening, or letters that you’ve put off writing. This day is essential for rejuvenation and maintaining creativity and motivation. 7. Before deciding to go to a recreational activity or social commitment, take time out for just thirty minutes of work on your project. Any pleasurable or frequent activity you engage in has the power to create motivation for the activity it follows. By using this “Grandma’s Principle”—you get your ice cream only after you eat your spinach—you can get started with less pain and foster the building of good habits. Soon you’ll find that work that previously was difficult or unpleasant is easier and more enjoyable. This technique can even become a springboard for getting started on avoided projects. It (1) uses your attraction to the pleasurable activity to get you started more often; (2) allows you to enjoy the leisure activity without guilt; and (3) starts your subconscious mind working on the project while you play, creatively resolving blocks while your attention is elsewhere, increasing your eagerness to return to the task with your newfound solutions. 8. Focus on starting. Your task is to get to the starting place on time. The advantage of this is that your “to do” list needs only one top priority item—“When is the next time I can start?” Replace all thoughts about finishing with thoughts about when, where, and on what you can start. 9. Think small. Do not aim to finish a book, write letters, complete your income tax, or to work continuously for even four hours. Aim for thirty minutes of quality, focused work. 10. Keep starting. Finishing will take care of itself. When it is time to start the last thirty minutes that will finish the project, that too will be an act of starting—the start of the conclusion of your current project, as well as the beginning of your next. So forget about finishing. If you must worry, worry about starting. In order to finish, all you have to do is to just keep starting! 11. Never end “down.” That is, never stop work when you’re blocked or at the end of a section. Remember “Grandma’s Principle”: to create good habits your breaks and treats must follow some work. No treats until you face what you’ve been avoiding. Never take a break (a reward) when you’re at the end of a segment or when you’re ready to give up. Always stay with a tough spot for another five or ten minutes, trying to come up with at least a partial solution that you can pursue later. Remain open and curious about how your mind will rapidly and creatively solve the problem. You’ll find that staying with a difficulty for a few more moments is often enough for your brain to creatively resolve it. Gently pushing through a block or starting on the next section before you quit creates positive momentum, making it much easier to get started next time, thus eliminating the need to procrastinate. (loc: 1810-60)

FOCUSING EXERCISE Start by sitting upright in your chair with your feet flat on the floor, with your hands on your thighs. Focus your attention on your breathing. If you’ve been stressed you may discover that your breathing is constricted. Breathe deeply, holding your breath for a moment, and then exhale slowly and completely. Do this three times, counting each time you exhale. With each exhalation imagine that you are letting go of any remaining tension and that you are deciding to drift to a different level of mind. Now focus your attention on the feeling of the chair against your back, buttocks, and legs. Float down into the chair. Let it support you, as you release any unnecessary muscle tension. You can now let go of those muscles. Shift your attention to the feeling of your feet resting against the floor. Now let go of those muscles. As you let go, continue to exhale away any remaining tension. Just let go and allow your body to give you the gift of relaxation and support. During the next few moments, there is nothing much for your conscious mind to do except to be curious and allow your subconscious mind to provide your body with deeper and deeper relaxation with each phrase. Now, notice how heavy your eyelids are beginning to feel. And as you experience them getting heavier and heavier, let them float softly closed over your eyes. Or you can try to keep them open, and find that it takes so much effort to try that it’s much more comfortable to let them float down of their own accord. As your eyes close, allow relaxation to flow down over your entire body.     Letting go of the past. With your next three slow, deep breaths, tell yourself to let go of all thoughts and images about work from the past. Let go of what you’ve just been doing—driving in heavy traffic, making a telephone call, cleaning the house. Let go of thoughts about what you’ve been telling yourself you should or shouldn’t have done. You may even want to let go of your old self-image—your former sense of identity and its limitations on your potential. Inhale, hold your breath, and exhale completely, freeing your mind and body of the past.     Letting go of the future. And with your next three slow, deep breaths, let go of what you anticipate happening in the “future”—a constructed concept of a time that really doesn’t exist. Let go of all thoughts and images of future work and deadlines—freeing more energy for focusing in the present. Inhale, hold your breath, and exhale completely, freeing your mind and body of the future.     Centering in the present. With your next three slow, deep breaths, notice—just notice—that it really doesn’t take much energy to just be in the present. Let go of trying to be in any particular time, and let go of striving to be any particular way. Just allow yourself to notice the sensations of being where you are now. Choose to be in this situation, allowing the wisdom of your body and inner mind to give you just the right level of energy and relaxation to be here, doing whatever you choose to do in this moment. Inhale, hold your breath, and exhale completely, floating down into the present moment. You can now find yourself at a deeper level of relaxation where you can give yourself any positive suggestion you wish. With your next three slow, deep breaths, you can begin to link the power of the right and left hemispheres of your brain, reaching the flow state under your conscious control. After taking about a minute to complete the first part in twelve breaths, use any one of the following three conclusions to complete your focusing on a specific issue. To overcome procrastination and stimulate interest in starting work, count up from 1 to 3, and say to yourself:   With each breath I become more alert, curious, and interested. I’ll be going beyond discomfort and worry to starting with purpose and commitment in just a few seconds of clock time—1. Becoming more and more alert and ready to begin as I tap into the inner wisdom of my mind and many alternative solutions—2. Coming all the way up to full alertness, operating at a genius level with the support of my entire brain and my creative faculty, ready and eager to begin—3.   This next example of the focusing exercise is useful when you feel stuck and frustrated with the limited abilities of your linear, conscious attempts at solutions. This conclusion is directed toward feeling more comfortable with your initial confusion and lack of confidence. Use it to proceed rapidly beyond critical self-judgment to positive suggestions about accomplishing your task and an intense interest in your own creative way of solving problems.   With each breath I am tapping into my creative self, opening more and more of my brain power to my task. My conscious mind may not know yet what to do, just as it doesn’t know how a puzzle will look until it’s finished. I may not know how I’m going to do this, but soon something will come to me and then a little bit more. And I will find that process very interesting, because while I don’t know yet what the solution will be, I do know that I will do it and that part of me already knows how to do it. It will also be interesting to see how time feels different at this level of the mind, and to wonder about how much I will accomplish in such a short period of clock time. Counting up from 1 to 3, I am becoming more quietly alert and am now ready to work in a focused, concentrated way, rapidly going from not knowing to knowing how to start—1. More alert, relaxed, and energized, ready to use the superior wisdom of my subconscious mind—2. Ready to come all the way up to full alertness with my eyes open, eager to work in conjunction with the creative faculties of my mind—3.   If you’ve been procrastinating out of fear of confronting a boss, employee, or loved one, the next version of the exercise will be valuable in getting unstuck from negative patterns of social interaction. Use it to establish your own safety and protection, so that nothing is taken too personally. Then give yourself time to consider the results you wish to achieve and the alternative responses that will get you there. And finally, visualize a positive outcome—that rather than confronting each other as enemies, you and this other person can become valuable allies to each other.   I create the feeling of a warm, golden glow around me, an atmosphere that protects me from any distracting words and attitudes of others, and even from any negative thoughts of my own. I have all the time in the world to consider thoughts and remarks or to push them aside and to return my focus toward positive attitudes and my chosen goals. My thoughts and actions convey to others that I am their ally—not their enemy or problem. Others can only help me. I am becoming more and more robust in my world and can be friendly and generous as I use my inner resources to cope with each challenge and opportunity. Counting up from 1 to 3, I return to normal wakefulness, bringing with me my own safe, supportive, warm cocoon of golden light—1. Becoming more and more quietly and peacefully alert—2. Ready to open my eyes and participate fully in a safe and supportive atmosphere—3. (loc: 2066-2128)

RELAXATION EXERCISE This exercise can be used on a daily basis to practice speaking in a language your body can cooperate with to bring you relaxation and stillness of mind. The exercise takes twelve to fifteen minutes and is good preparation for the one-to-two-minute focusing exercise. This exercise is directed toward the warming of your hands: that is, you will be able to dilate your blood vessels and the tiny capillaries of your hands and fingers. You cannot achieve this by commanding it to happen, the way you might command your hand to open. You can only do this by letting go of central nervous system control and allowing your autonomic nervous system to cooperate. This is your exercise. You will be in control at all times. If you wish to open your eyes or shift your position, you can do so. There is no right or wrong way to achieve relaxation, just your way, at whatever rate and to whatever depth is just right for you. You can start by sitting with your feet on the floor and with your hands in your lap. Allow your eyelids to float softly closed over your eyes as you turn your attention inward, toward your breathing. Now breathe deeply, hold your breath for a moment, and then exhale slowly and completely. Do this three times, letting your exhalation be a signal that you are letting go of any remaining tension. You can now notice the chair and let it support you, floating down into it; no need for you to hold. You can let go of those muscles; and now focus on how the floor is supporting your feet, and legs, and let go of those muscles. No need for you to hold: just let go and allow your body to give you the gift of relaxation and proper support. Now, there is nothing for you to do except to allow your conscious mind to be curious and watch as your body and subconscious mind cooperate with the process of providing you deeper and deeper relaxation with each phrase. I will state all the phrases in the first person, and you can repeat them silently to yourself in the first person. For example: I am sitting still. As you repeat each phrase, you just imagine, visualize, and feel the change happening. And then just let it happen, letting your body carry out the directions you have given it. This is called “passive volition”—by imagining, visualizing, and feeling the direction given in each phrase you are stating your will in a language your body can understand. You are learning to give directions in a passive way, without using force and without trying to make anything happen. You quietly let the change happen, using your body’s natural tendency to cooperate with your leadership. And now, you can make yourself comfortable and be ready to proceed, continuing to breathe deeply and slowly, repeating quietly to yourself   I feel quiet. I am beginning to feel quite relaxed—my feet feel quiet and relaxed; my ankles, my knees, and my hips feel light, calm, and comfortable. My stomach and the entire center of my body feels light, calm, and comfortable. My entire body feels quiet, calm, and comfortable. I feel relaxed. My arms and my hands are quiet and warm. I feel quite quiet. My entire body is calm and my hands are warm—relaxed and warm. My hands feel warm. My hands are warm. My hands are slowly becoming warmer. I can continue to breathe deeply and slowly. My entire body is quiet, comfortable, and calm. My mind is quiet. I withdraw myself from my surroundings and feel serene and still. My thoughts are turning inward. I feel at ease. Within myself I can visualize and experience myself as calm, comfortable, and quiet. In an easy, quiet, inward-turning way I am quietly alert. My mind is calm and quiet. I feel an inward quietness. I will continue with these thoughts for two minutes and then softly open my eyes, feeling fine, relaxed, and quietly alert. The next time that I speak, two minutes of clock time will have gone by, and it will be interesting to note how deeply relaxed I can feel in a time that is normally so short.     (Allow two minutes to pass.) Did that feel like two minutes to you? Do you feel as if you’ve had a nice nap? Want to stretch and discover if your hands are warmer and more relaxed? Now take three slow, deep breaths and with each breath become more quietly alert; adequately alert; ready to begin on some project or task in a very relaxed and focused way. (loc: 2128-66)

The Road Less Traveled, M. Scott Peck (loc: 2494)